This Weeks Jumbled Thoughts

If we are going to discuss thinking, I have to explain what my mind has been doing the last few weeks.  The last major paper was our Data Analysis and for a whole week I did my homework while asleep in my head between alarms.  I knew what graphs I was going to create and how I was going to lay out my ideas in the written part and finished it on Saturday.  Sometimes I think it is stress or too much pressure but in this case it was not crunch time.  Again this last week I did it again with my reflection paper.  I think I am compiling my thoughts in my head and then when I sit down to write my thoughts are easier to organize.  Weird.

 
If I had to choose one pattern of thinking I felt related to it was the Hispanic, French, and Italian.  I write like I am talking and tend to want to put how I feel about certain situations before getting to the point.  I find myself taking out some of my thoughts in order to refocus on the point I am trying to make. More simplistic and less creative.  The Asian one also sounds a little like my writing, at times confusing and repetitious.  I find it hard to put creativity in our writing for school with so much emphasis on facts.  Also, I am not very deep because I am always afraid to be judged.  I feel writing doesn't come naturally to me like it used to and I think I need more free write practice.    

Right and Left Brain Strengths

When reviewing this weeks assignment, I assumed I fell mostly on one side of the brain.  When reflecting on the ideas as strengths and weaknesses, I noticed I had several qualities on each side.  In my reflection of my past educational grades or elective choices, I concluded I never was strong in Math or Science.  In turn,  I believed I was more creative and took drama and art. 

While examining the picture of what the left brain is responsible for, I picked out a  few strengths.
Memorizing for my ability to memorize and sing songs. 
Grammar, spelling, and technical skills have always been a strong subjects for me and I remember winning a spelling bee when I was younger.
Writing has led me to the social science field because I needed to stick to learning things I was good at ( no Algebra).
Evidence and analysis are also ideas I am interested in, I watch crime shows and have a degree in Criminal Justice.  I don't feel I am incredibly deep, but feel I have to be analytical to read between the lines to understand my clientele in my profession.

Now the right side of the brain, is what I remember being more of.
I feel I am very intuitive and have been told by many elders I have great insight of people and human behavior.  I have always felt I was an old soul who knew much more than what I lead people to believe.  I feel more deep and connected to understanding others and behavior.
I looked up spatial thinking because I didn't know hat it meant and it sounds like math, geometry or computer science, but it also said solving problems. I do feel I enjoy working towards solving problems.  The creativity of feelings, emotions, and dreams has always fascinated me.  I do think people need to practice to be more creative.  At this point, I feel more right brained and trusting what I feel is part of the right brain --oddly.

Ok, so I went and found a test online so I can further explore what I am  stronger in.  I am laughing because apparently my intuitive senses of myself are not very good.  However, the test graded me dominant left brained.  I felt the test asked many questions related to rule breaking and structure.   
http://similarminds.com/cgi-bin/brain.pl
I decided to take another test and again I was left brain dominant but more in the 50% range.I felt more confident in this survey and felt it was more accurate.  One thing that surprised me was how I should be a mathematician.   WHAT??
  http://www.wherecreativitygoestoschool.com/vancouver/left_right/rb_test.htm

Barriers to Higher Learning

As I sat in my room and completed my drawing I realized how I procrastinated this assignment.  I was looking forward  to it and pulled the markers and paper out a few days back.  As I wrote my barriers or obstacles down I realized why I procrastinate to do much of my homework on Sunday. The following are the ideas of the barriers I am feeling through out the week.

My first barrier was the concept of time.  I feel like I never have enough.  Each day after work I come home with hopes of starting my reading for the week.  After dinner, sometimes I simply feel too tired from the days work to comprehend anything I read.  Tuesday turns into Wednesday and then I get started.   
 My next idea is that I worry I am not smart enough.  When I struggle with ideas or take too long to get started on assignment I tend to shut down.  For example coming up with idea for policy class Running into these bumps in the road cause me to rethink my decision to continue with school.  After it all comes together, I feel proud of myself, but it is that initial doubt that makes me want to run.
When the weekend comes around and now I have a paper due and most of my homework--I want to play.  I want to shop, I want to be outside, I want to clean the house, or visit my family.  Yesterday morning, I made a retaining wall outside with my husband.  Then I came in and worked about 8-9 hours and finished my paper around 10:00.
The next barrier I drew was lack of motivation.  Sometimes I just dont feel like doing what needs to be done.  I have always been responsible but I know I am better under pressure.  So this habit is why I wait until Sunday to complete my homework.  The last thing I drew about was worry that too much homework would cause me to burn out.  Summer was a perfect example of this.  That was a hard crazy summer and some of the group work were potential obstacles.

After all this I realized my schedule works for me.  The weekends are my time to really be available mindfully to concentrate and focus on my work.  I realize I am capable of completing this program and I do not need to be a perfectionist or have the best ideas the main thing is that I am learning something new as I go along. 

Free writing and walking down memory lane

The free writing exercise went well.  First, I was surprised that I pulled out a sheet of notebook paper because I associated the assignment with journaling.  Then I thought about it and said there is no reason why I cant do a word document.  Now not correcting it was a different story- I don't know if its out of habit but I could not go along and not correct my mistakes. Towards the end I was making myself not correct them.  My ten minutes flew by and I barely was able to revisit two places I have been.
 I ended up writing about my vacations when I was a teenager.  I wrote about my trip to Hawaii and then my senior trip was on a cruise.  I realized I kinda like to write about memories or things I have experienced.  It also gave me a chance to ponder on where those people are now.  For example, I had a friend who had moved to Hawaii and I was able to visit him but then we lost touched.  While writing about my cruise to Mexico I remembered our waiter and wondered where all the people I went with are today although I am still friends with Alysia, but its weird how life changes so much over time. 
Continuing on with my journey, I also spent a lot of time in Yosemite. My friend worked there, and I would travel there once a month to go rock climbing and hang out. I went to Mexico again when I was 22 and stayed in a condo in Cabo San Lucas. When thinking back on this vacation and friendships, I have stayed friends with all of them.  We continue to meet up every few months and stay in contact over Facebook. 
Well there are simply too many places I have been to sit and write them all.  But the last vacation I took was last year to Port Aransas, Texas with my husband.  We were at a sand castle festival and went shark fishing.  I remember we also road a fairy to get there.  I think it is time to plan a new trip next year, I am thinking of researching an Alaska Cruise. 


 
 

Learning Silence 9/31/12

My first thought about silence reminded me of a conversation with a client I had a few months ago.  Her husband of five years had entered an outpatient program for alcohol addiction after a domestic violent situation landed him in jail.  At around thirty days in his sobriety she shared how she was a child of alcohol parents and how she was conditioned to deal with an alcoholic husband.  She shared how she felt awkward and uncomfortable with his sobriety, not arguing not fighting, and cried when she said she didn't quite know how to handle the "silence".  I guess I never thought silence could be good or bad.

This session caused me to dig deep to understand how some people are conditioned to live in daily chaotic conditions.  They in turn feel anxious in waiting for the next chaotic situation to arrive and are unsettled in quiet or calming situations.  I cant imagine living in a constant fight or flight mode, I think how emotionally exhausting this would be.  I wondered how the act of silence could be terrifying for people.  This is the reality for people who come from abusive homes and are in abusive relationships.  This is the reality being married to someone who struggles with drug or alcohol addiction.  This is how some family members live around a loved one with severe mental illness. 

So how does one teach silence?  Do they find it in a quiet room around the house?  Do they learn to meditate or do yoga? Do they venture out in nature? Do they sit quiet and journal?  I suppose it is up to the individual how to practice silence.  However, I think learning to appreciate silence can be a positive experience for all.  With an increase in technology and gadgets people don't do silence.  I think we all need to devote time to silence just as we all devote time to communicate.   

9/15/12 Politics a dirty word

Surrounded and drowning in political garb this week.  I feel politics is yet another way to divide us.  I do like Facebook and check it daily for any cool stuff and pictures of friends and family.  Some people over post but what got me riled up this week was to open up facebook and see links to political sites, comments on the horrible president, or Romney being a liar was really driving me crazy ....I de-friended a few people this week.

I realize that many of my husbands family from the south in particular are Republican's ok whatever--- my best friend is a Democrat great...whatever.  Is it just me who is turned off by this?  I have come to the conclusion, I was just on a bit of overload with reading about politics this week and watching some on television the week before, and my parents ughhh thats all they talk about sometimes.  In processing why it was making me so irritated I realized it is a way for them to express and advocate for their beliefs hence the word social media.  

After taking the Political Party Compass quiz I realized I was about where I figured.  Im on the left but close to the middle.  I did not have alot of strongly agrees or strongly disagrees. I think the bottom was liberal, I wish I would have printed it out now.  Anyhow in this weeks readings I related to Democratic Socialist and Green Party.  I like the idea of universal health care and alleviating poverty. I agree our welfare system is a bit flawed but still does the job.  I think there are people who are enabled by the welfare system but with less and less opportunity and jobs its hard to tell if its circumstance or motivation. I think its hard for people to get out of poverty without working or having some tools to use in society.  I encourage all single mothers to go to school for something because life is just going to get harder. and I leave with you with Donna Summer's "She Works Hard for the Money".

http://youtu.be/09ZSKE38lTU

2nd Week Thoughts

I really enjoyed everyones blog this week.  I realized it is a chance to share and continue with this journey we all share.  I have enjoyed the lighter amount of homework --(shhh don't tell anyone) these last few weeks but I am already starting to feel pressure about the upcoming "policy project" coupled with the other half of research project.  

I am using "blogger" in hopes of problem solving an issue I am faced with this semester.  I am thinking I might have to finish the other half of the research project solo. Which brings me to my issue -- I am looking for a partner or group for policy because I am "fearful" of school over load.  I am not picky on the subject as I feel it is all relative to the final goal of improving social policies. SO please, kindly email me :) I was just noticing it was starting to bring me down and I was unmotivated this week. 

On another note, the end of summer is near.  We have been surrounded by wildfires and many people lost their homes.  I try to live each day with an amount of gratitude and empathy for others in challenging situations.  I see my own family faced with challenges of unemployment and can't help but worry about the future of all.  I could not stand to watch the news and feel fearful about what politics have in store for our country.  It is really scary.  In learning about social policy it is reminding me about hope.  Many people had dreams of something better - equality, opportunity, understanding....
I can only hope to be a part of something I believe in when the time comes. But it makes me ponder the future and why so many are still dying for our country.

This is a picture my husband painted on a rock located on my parents property in French Gulch, CA.