My first barrier was the concept of time. I feel like I never have enough. Each day after work I come home with hopes of starting my reading for the week. After dinner, sometimes I simply feel too tired from the days work to comprehend anything I read. Tuesday turns into Wednesday and then I get started.
My next idea is that I worry I am not smart enough. When I struggle with ideas or take too long to get started on assignment I tend to shut down. For example coming up with idea for policy class Running into these bumps in the road cause me to rethink my decision to continue with school. After it all comes together, I feel proud of myself, but it is that initial doubt that makes me want to run.
When the weekend comes around and now I have a paper due and most of my homework--I want to play. I want to shop, I want to be outside, I want to clean the house, or visit my family. Yesterday morning, I made a retaining wall outside with my husband. Then I came in and worked about 8-9 hours and finished my paper around 10:00.
The next barrier I drew was lack of motivation. Sometimes I just dont feel like doing what needs to be done. I have always been responsible but I know I am better under pressure. So this habit is why I wait until Sunday to complete my homework. The last thing I drew about was worry that too much homework would cause me to burn out. Summer was a perfect example of this. That was a hard crazy summer and some of the group work were potential obstacles.
After all this I realized my schedule works for me. The weekends are my time to really be available mindfully to concentrate and focus on my work. I realize I am capable of completing this program and I do not need to be a perfectionist or have the best ideas the main thing is that I am learning something new as I go along.
Thanks for sharing. I totally get what you are saying. Sometimes I procrastinate about assignments or find other things that I want to do more. What I discovered about myself is that I need to make time for both. I work all week but I also take time out to watch a TV show or to work in my yard or do some crafts or scrapbooking. I have had doubts about being back in school but we are going to make it and no we don't have to be perfect, just willing to learn.
ReplyDeleteThere were some things that stood out for me in your post that I think we can all relate to, including the feeling of being overwhelmed or intimidated, and wanting to play before the work is completed. I think what stood out for me the most was the perfectionist comment. There is something about posting in writing that gives a sense of permanency, that sometimes requires us to go over time and time again our writing to ensure that it will be conveyed properly. Something that works for this is just doing it, going ahead and putting what you know out there, starting on a project and finding out that it can indeed be completed successfully, we just need to go through the process.
ReplyDeleteSo insightful Nikki!
ReplyDeleteI wonder, what might need to happen for us if we could get to a place where we were able to give ourselves permission to do things on our own schedule? How empowering might that be?
And yet, we go into our professional practice and set up artificial timelines and expectations for our clients. How does this set them up to fail or succeed? Interesting thought..