Freewriting Experience

I actually completed a few free write exercises while reading "Undoing the Silence".  I am really wanting to learn to dig deeper than my surface--ahhh was that a metaphor- anyhow I enjoyed my free write as a purge of my current thoughts about life and work.  I actually wrote in a notebook in pen for fifteen minutes then I picked up the book to read about judging ourselves.  Yes, I do this alot- Im doing it now- and I learned it is hard to get out of that frame of mind.  I worry what I sound like to the reader, is this too boring, can i pick different words, have I made a mistake?  Too many voices and my own critics coming out at once.  I silenced them for a few minutes and the second time, I typed instead for five minutes.  I have an extremely hard time not correcting my mistakes while typing away on a keyboard. I don't know if its habit. I almost cant do it- I cant not correct them.  It is not a perfectionist way, it happens so often, I am too aware of it to not notice.  This effects my train of thought and changes what I am writing about.  I kept going back to correct everything until I finally said ok no more im gonna do it- no corrections and I did, but it drove me crazy.  I deleted what I typed that day so I don't even remember what it was about.

Tonight, I completed another free write this time I saved it so I can add on. I opened the shades and sat in my living room staring out at the view outside.  It was dusk the sun was going down and there was paintbrush clouds int he sky.  I wrote about the five senses and what stuck out the most was the wind shaking the trees and making the house creek.  What I enjoyed was how I found a sense of peace, in my own home.  I never really appreciated sitting in front of this window staring at a beautiful landscape of oak tress and rolling hills.  I asked my husband one day why we bought this particular house and he said the view.  Now, I mostly cover it up with geometric curtains to keep the sun out. This assignment gave me a chance to appreciate something in front of me that I never seen before.  I decided to explore further on my next free write and sit outside on the deck and hope to discover more serenity within my grasp.